First is Worst

The dreaded moment… Leaving your little one with a sitter for the first time.

Wee-man and I have not been apart from each-other for more than 30 minutes since his coming home from the NICU. “Why leave him?” You ask. In most circumstances, I would just bring him along with me. The grocery store, out to lunch, the mall, are all examples of where Wee-man tags along. Unfortunately, I do not believe a funeral home is quite the place for a 5 month old baby.
Unexpectedly, on Saturday June 3rd, 2010, a friend of mine passed away. I may not have seen him in a few years, but he always remained in my thoughts. Brian was a good man, with a good heart and will be missed by many.
My post isn’t to get into details about that however, I wanted to share with you my feelings of leaving my little man for the first time.
I haven’t been stockpiling BM at all, I haven’t had a need to. I guess I should keep some on hand for these occasions however. I have been trying to get a few pumping sessions in whenever I can, but this has proven quite difficult in this nasty 40+C degree weather. I will have enough for the few hours I am gone, but just.
I am worried that Wee-man is going to be a bit of a handful. He is VERY attached to his Momma, (rightfully so, he is a baby!) and only tolerates others for short times. He has started to recognise that there are other people who are consistent throughout his day: his sister, his Nana and Papa, his uncle (who is staying with us currently while going back to school,) and a few neighbours. However, my wonderful aunt has agreed to watch Princess and Wee-man for me, but he has only met her once or twice.
Wee-man nurses himself to sleep, how will he sleep while I’m gone? He hasn’t had a bottle for anything other than the odd oz or 2 of water since he was in his second month of life. What if he starts to prefer the speed of the bottle again? It was such a battle to get where we are in our successful breastfeeding relationship today. Will he be okay being held by a stranger for long?
I know these are normal feelings, but I cannot help but to be slightly overwhelmed by them all. This all leads into the main topic of this blog of course… Princess was quite independent from the get-go. Along with being formula fed, she was often off on sleepovers with Nana and Papa, or her Nanny and Poppy Moe (before they moved back to Nfld) quite frequently. I always knew I was going to miss her while she was gone, but it feels differently this time.
What a strong bond a breastfeeding baby has to its mother. How is it that I am shaking like a leaf, when I am only going to be 3 or so hours? I am not sending him off overnight.
Everything will be okay. Perhaps dealing with grief as well as mommy seperation anxiety is kicking it into overdrive? I will survive!
Just when you think, “wow, thats going to be quite a busy day” My bestest and her hubby-to-be will be heading our way for a bbq this evening. If I remember this through my feelings of sadness/anxiety, I can see the silver lining to today’s cloud.

I can’t wait to see this wonderful woman, who I have known for 21 years! My longest and dearest friend. Too make it even more exciting, she is EXPECTING! 14 weeks to be exact. I can’t wait!

Now, off to the kitchen, to express one last time before I finally get to try and sleep. So much to do, and 24 hours just aren’t enough to do it in sometimes.
Tell me, how is it you cope when you have to leave your little ones behind? Who do you trust to keep them safe while you are away? Please, share your thoughts. Don’t be shy!


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mystic_eye
    Jul 09, 2010 @ 22:36:13

    Having a baby at my grandfathers funeral was the best thing that could have happened. And she wasn’t even family, my aunt was babysitting for someone from her church(not my grandparents church). I was 8 months pregnant. I’m not disparaging your choice, but that is my opinion. Babies at a funeral remind us that life goes on and there is still joy in the world.

    The only person I leave my babies with is my grandmother (yes, my grandma -their great grandma). Neither of my babies would ever take a bottle, they simply wait for me to come back, of course I’m never gone for longer than they can wait. I usually don’t go further than the park at the end of my block until they are 6 months (Canadian winters, eh? Plus I’m not going to wake a napping baby to walk the dog if I don’t have to). Every drop of milk I pump ends up in my coffee or down the drain.

    You should know that late nipple preference can absolutely happen, he’s old enough for a cup of milk.


    • MiSSa
      Jul 09, 2010 @ 23:13:05

      Thank you for your imput! I did find that he was fussy at the breast these past 24 hours. I know it is from using the bottle (we had many issues in the beginning of our bf relationship!) I will definitely try a cup if it happens again. I agree with you about the funeral home, had it been a family member. This was a friend of mine, not a very close one, but a friend just the same. I did not know many people there at all, and wasn’t sure how others would feel about me bringing Wee-man with me. That being said, I wish I had! I shouldn’t have worried so much about what they thought. I’m a breastfeeding mother, my son should have been with me…


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